Thursday, May 1, 2008

Catch up: How I met "him"

I spent a great deal of time as a single person after my son was born.

His father and I were together for 5 years, and the last 3 years were just not good. I'm not sure why either of us stayed with the other. You know how some people are just poison for each other? Well that was us. We broke up in August of '98 and in December of '98 I got pregnant... no you aren't reading incorrectly. We did that "let's get together and talk things out" thing... and well, there wasn't much talking... but I have an amazing child, so in the end it was all worth it.

Ever since then though I realized that maybe I had a problem with "needing" men. So I decided that I needed to spend a little time on my own... figure out who Lawanna was... and then of course figure out who Ethan's mom was...

I NEVER meant for it to be an 8 year hiatus. Sure I went on a few dates (literally only a handful in all that time)... but just never was interested, or maybe I just didn't trust myself to be with a man. I'm not exactly sure. I was starting to realize though that I was perfectly fine without a man in my life. Honestly, the only thing that has been a constant "want" in my life was a child and I had that. I didn't know how to meet guys anymore, the bar scene SUCKED... my job is definitely not conducive to meeting people at work... and it is amazing how hard it is to meet other people when you stay home with your child all the time. Crazy!!!

My mom evidently was not convinced by my "I don't need a man" act... frankly I wasn't either. She announced one day that she was going to get me a membership to eHarmony for my birthday. UGGH! That was in August 2006. So I filled out all the questionnaires and started talking to a few people, but again had the same problem that I had in real life, as soon as men notice that I'm a big girl, they immediately are not interested. I did meet a few guys who didn't seem to care, but nothing ever came of it... very nice men, just not for me.

My 3 month subscription ran out and the broke pessimist in me decided to not renew... eHarmony has free communication weekends though; typically on holiday weekends, and I would see what activity there was during those times. I eventually put a note on my profile that read "It is important to know that I am not a skinny girl... and frankly, probably never will be. I'm a great person, funny, hard working, with a lot of love to give to the right person, and not ugly by any means, but if you are a person who can't look at the whole person, and only want to be with a skinny girl, then I am not the girl for you." Well, it definitely reduced the number of messages that I had to read.

Then Labor Day weekend 2007 came and I had way too much to do to spend the weekend online answering messages from eHarmony... that is until I came down with bronchitis. I was so sick that I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. So why not? I might as well do something to entertain myself for the long weekend. So I sat in my favorite chair, knitting, and napping, and answering messages from this guy in Topeka... Scott.

Scott's profile described him in the normal blah blah blah way... but it had certain things I was looking for... positive answers about children and an apparent job. One of the 5 things he had listed under "Can not live without section" was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches... now while that may not mean much to most people, it told me that he was simple... Under the title that says "The one thing Scott wishes MORE people would notice about him is", his answer was "my eyes"... oh really???? Now I have this thing for eyes... even if a man isn't necessarily attractive I go gaga for deep intense eyes. Ray Liotta or Brian Bloom eyes.

We spent the whole weekend talking on email and chat... and finally started talking on the phone Sunday night... and all day Monday we talked on the phone and email. We talked about so many things that I can't even recall most of them... but I had to admit that I was happy that I had been sick so I had a chance to meet him.

And he didn't care about my not being skinny...

When we met for the first time, part of me was scared to death... but part of me was just going to meet someone that I seemed to have known for years.

When he first met Ethan they were immediate "buds". Scott walked up behind me while I was talking to Ethan and scared the holy moly out of me... which Ethan of course thought was too cool, and ever since they have enjoyed taking turns scaring me, tickling me, pestering me...

This man has been amazing... whenever he is off of work he stays at our house
so that he and I get as much time as possible together, without me having to leave Ethan too much... please remember that Ethan and I live with my parents... He is wonderful in the fact that 90% of our dates include Ethan. I have this incredible respect for the fact that he not only has stuck with me and all my weirdness, and accepted that in a way he is dating my son and I as a package, but that he also is dating my parents in a way... I know, that is an odd way to think about it... but in all reality, how many men would put up with all that?

I'm not saying he is perfect, he definitely has his issues... but I am so lucky to have this man who accepts me for who I am, and is willing to have to "work" at spending time with me.

Now if I could just get him to pose for a picture so I would have something better to show you than this picture that I had to sneak...

We've just recently started our marriage prep stuff... more on that later!





1 comment:

Yarn Thing said...

Seriously, that was so amazing to read about your story! I really hope you and your man make it and are super happy together!

Viva la Men who like Big Girls ;-)

xoxoxox
Marly